I had fully intended to stay away from blogging for the next little while and I will return to the absence mode, but I need to address something that pertains to my memoir. I would like to say I know nothing about this subject, but as it happens I’m an expert and it’s becoming rapidly apparent that it’s impossible for me to contain my outrage. Oh, I know you all know where I’m going on this particular media train of thought, yes I am indeed talking about Oksana Grigorieva and Mel Gibson.
I was going to spill an impassioned plea regarding the insanity of a system that is inept when dealing with the issue of family violence and its paralyzing acceptance of violence when a family member is involved. But hey, that’s been done ad nauseum. Then, I thought I might highlight the plight of the unheard voices of the children who are silenced by the courts in matters of men who beat women. Again, it would be redundant and there are others out there fighting the good fight in this regard. At one point, I was going jump on the band wagon and give Mel a damn good verbal slap, but I would surely drown in the sea of human beings who are doing a fine job without me. I thought I’d exhausted everything I could possibly address pertaining to Gibson and his sociopathy, a quite intentional cruelty he has been trying to disguise as mental illness. He isn’t mentally ill by the way, although he does a very convincing short term portrayal but then, he is an actor. No, I thought there was nothing of worth I could add. But something was bothering me deep down, and after I read some of the responses to the release of the tapes I knew what it was. It was other women and their responses to Oksana’s behaviour and Mel’s abuse.
Initially, when I heard that Robyn Gibson had signed a sworn affidavit that Mel Gibson never hit her or their children, I wasn’t very surprised. Not because this is true, because as anyone who has ever been involved with a misogynist will tell you, he didn’t just turn fifty four and smack someone or berate and abuse them. As much as Mel would like us all to believe it, Oksana did not open a box filled with rage to which only she held the key. No, I will guarantee that Robyn has experienced her fair share of what we all heard on those taped telephone conversations. Then, there was another Whoopi Goldberg idiot moment defending Gibson’s behavior, even citing his access to her home and her children as an example of her trust in him. Again, I wasn’t surprised and I wasn’t buying any of the bullshit emanating from her mouth or Robyn’s pen. No, these two women were not speaking their truth and they damn well know it. But why? Why would one woman who was divorced from a man and another who was of a race and gender he clearly denigrates and despises, come to his defense when he is so clearly guilty of such vile things?
To answer that, you would have to understand two things: 1. The psychology of oppression and victimization on a segment of society that has never held the balance of power (yet)and 2. the complex nature of the relationships between those who are seemingly free of overt oppression and those who are obviously oppressed. There is a complicated answer filled with statistics and a mountain of research to explain it but, being one of those statistics, I can break it down easily: Fear and shame. Women who have been beaten, controlled, humiliated etc and survived it without dealing internally with their anger toward the abuser will turn on those who remind them of their very own punch in the face, kick in the ribs or a name calling tirade that has scarred their self esteem. It’s an insidious variation of the crab effect. When someone has not walked themselves through the emotional gutter and placed the blame on their own abuser, then climbed out of it intact and wiser, they tend to feel as they did when they were living in that isolated hell that is domestic violence. Emotionally they stay in the abuse and are still being controlled by their abuser because they feel they were to blame in some way. Robyn needs to blame Mel and Whoopi needs to blame whoever hurt her then they both need to move on from this shit and either step up or step out of it. Being abused is NOT a victims fault, Being abused does NOT mean you are in some way defective and shameful. Being abused means you were trusting and got hoodwinked by professional predators and liars who are more practiced at spotting innocent people than innocent people are at spotting predators. I think Robyn and Whoopi ought to go for a visit to their local battered women’s shelter and tell those black and blue women how great Mel is after they all sit and listen to those tapes. I bet they wouldn’t go and that is the real toll this crime takes on women, it divides them and that is the goal of all those whose sole intention is to conquer.
Okay, diatribe complete. Off I go back into blog obscurity, that is, unless Mel does something even more despicable, hard as that is to comprehend. Be good to yourselves and I’ll see you all in good time. Much love. 🙂