Up Heavy Full

 

(For Faye)

 

I dreamed of you last night

as you were once

as a child

big rain drop tears

pudge and cheek

my sweet girl

and up the hill we were walking

intrepid

and our faithful friend was there in his stubborn way

the golden contrarian

collared little wolf

we did reach the top

but it didn’t seem worth it then

as we stood on the precipice of the next hill

which was a mountain

jagged and rough

the incline our enemy always

but the sun beamed a fire love

and your face was aglow

as it is each day

when I leave you to walk through the door

into your world

the space that will never be mine again

except through your telling

of this breathing life that is up, heavy and full

 

 

Terms

I have made a quantum leap

now I’m walking on the face of your moon

beneath starlight, tripping the light fantastic

shaking off rose petals and romantic poison

that cling ball and chain to my feet

but we both know with age there is reason

that insecurity always precludes the necessity of friendship

no matter the  turn of the season

 

The Thirst

Whiskey

Brandy

Wine

Beer

Vodka

Liqueur

I wrote your name on a napkin, traced those beautiful letters with my gentle finger and felt the hindrance deep and wide a gaping tempting whale mouth swallowing the good in us until we drown in the belly so far down no echo of the dying of this love could ever be heard amid the denial of the lying drink.

 

Terminal Grace

Someone once said they loved me

but I can’t be precise

about the identity

of so many

palms up, eyes pleading

Please believe

paper heart pinned to his sleeve

beseeching my acceptance

to fall for romantic illusion

their names and faces merge into a dirty smear

on my clean white sheet of needy gullibility

these givers of everlasting, soul consuming adoration

It may have been the fifth

or was it the sixth

that painted the indelible

cynical

smirk

in permanent painful

broken hearted marker

on my inside face

the personal one that can see through the sham

with terminal grace

 

 

 

It’s Cold Outside…

and the snow is falling.  Every year when winter descends I think about hockey games when Dave and I sat freezing our asses off, a belly full of the worst coffee you ever swallowed and ignited by the most powerful flame in Canada, hockey.  We were rink rats for the local minor league team and sometimes I’d take sly side long glances at him while he watched the players whoosh past in silver bladed fury.   In those moments I could see the kid he used to be, the one who wanted to grow up and play for the Leafs.  Some Sundays he’d play shinny up at the rink with anyone who showed up for a game and he always came home full of the hockey glow, regaling me with stories of saves and excellent stick handling.  He was a phenomenal skater and a good right wing when he was in house league.

One year, his hockey hero, #4 Bobby Orr was making a personal appearance at our local mall.  When Dave got to the front of the line, his lip was trembling from nerves as he said hello to a man he’d idolized since childhood.  When we walked away, he was giddy and spellbound by the experience of shaking hands with a hockey master legend.

Below is a song about a boy who loved hockey as much as Dave but who tragically didn’t live to see his bright future realized.   When this song was released Dave bought it immediately and somehow we both knew, as we listened to it together, that like the young man in the song, he wouldn’t live long either.  If you have someone you love, hold them close to your heart and tell them as often as you can, just how very much they mean to you.

Once

Once…

the solitary in profile

caught by sight

somewhere in the sleep of night

eye to eye

all in an instant

and all things felt

climbing out of skin and bone

to see the speaking of the mind

temple to temple

iris to iris

and in the end

you are you

I am me

but together

who are we?

And will our finding set us free?

Fancy Footwork

An empty handed sleeveless raver

making rosebud wishes in the park

thoughts running rings around the crazy moon

full and proud of all my folly

this licentious cannibal of the heart

taught me much about the dancing

never tango in the dark