It’s Cold Outside…

and the snow is falling.  Every year when winter descends I think about hockey games when Dave and I sat freezing our asses off, a belly full of the worst coffee you ever swallowed and ignited by the most powerful flame in Canada, hockey.  We were rink rats for the local minor league team and sometimes I’d take sly side long glances at him while he watched the players whoosh past in silver bladed fury.   In those moments I could see the kid he used to be, the one who wanted to grow up and play for the Leafs.  Some Sundays he’d play shinny up at the rink with anyone who showed up for a game and he always came home full of the hockey glow, regaling me with stories of saves and excellent stick handling.  He was a phenomenal skater and a good right wing when he was in house league.

One year, his hockey hero, #4 Bobby Orr was making a personal appearance at our local mall.  When Dave got to the front of the line, his lip was trembling from nerves as he said hello to a man he’d idolized since childhood.  When we walked away, he was giddy and spellbound by the experience of shaking hands with a hockey master legend.

Below is a song about a boy who loved hockey as much as Dave but who tragically didn’t live to see his bright future realized.   When this song was released Dave bought it immediately and somehow we both knew, as we listened to it together, that like the young man in the song, he wouldn’t live long either.  If you have someone you love, hold them close to your heart and tell them as often as you can, just how very much they mean to you.

When Everything Is Made To Be Broken…

You listen to the Goo Goo Dolls

Shine

I remember 21 and 23

the iron fence and you and me

Then came the storm of voices and fears

the all nighters of talking down and body sobbing aches

we tranquilized the banshees that tormented you

pill up pill down

Mary Poppins style for  you my sugar

until you were comfortable

until you were numb

inside your very own medicated prism of bent and fractured light

You still could shine

SUZE

Suze  loved her drink and her pills

but she loved her bulimia more

She felt safe to act out her lack of control

behind a locked bathroom door

*********************************

MARRYPOSA

Brewery Bay on wedding day

The world in the palm of my hand

Turned to mad hot ashes slipping through

my fingers like hour glass sand

I frantically tried to reclaim each grain

and count them one by one

But the sun left the sky in the blink of an eye

Leaving us blind, deaf and dumb

********************************

COTTAGE

She was here before me

A pretty girl like Plath

No one talked about her shotgun wedding

or

her shotgun death

Self inflicted ends are not discussed

in homes with  proper speech and  lies

It was easier for them to pretend her away

than admit that she wanted to die

***********************************

ROOT (for J.M.)

How does it feel for you

now

that you are alone in the country of old age and isolation

The seniority of clarity during the hours, minutes and seconds of each day

aware that your caustic hate finger poked and pushed too much

the innocent and gentle

YOU

hit too hard

took it too far

Look at the road behind you now

you are close to your mortal end

The wreckage is heaped on the once empty places in between

where your love is supposed to be

Two wives died to get away from you

and your son overdosed in his bed

But you know that I know that you are the twisted root

the cause of the rot and disease

and when I hear of your longed for demise

your final rolling away

I can’t deny

I’ll smile all day

Vindictive bitch that I am

I won’t mourn your loss of life

I’ll be too busy being  terribly pleased

Some Little Ditties From The Dark Side

NINE LIVES

We cheated it twice together

We cheated it twice apart

You cheated it five times solo

Then you broke my heart

KNICK KNOCK

Knicky knicky nine doors

A game we used to play

They called us little bastards

Then we ran away

THE FIRST TO LEAVE

You smoked the weed

and drank the wine

Then you announced

You were out of time

TURNING POINT

Something shattered

Deep inside

The day you swallowed

All your pride

THE LAST SONG

Picks and pedals

Strings and frets

Constant jam

Eternal sets

NURTURED

Consumed

Condemned

Conditioned

Confined

To make a noose with bits of twine

THIORIDAZINE

Doctor prescribes a happy hug

Anti psychotic tranquilizer

Vastly better mood stabilizer

Essentially a zombie drug

TRIP TO TOWER TEN

PCP was a speeding train

It ran all night inside your brain

Made you feel crucified

Straight jacket drug induced suicide

UNDER THE SOD

Dust to dust

Ashes to ashes

Everyone mourns

A angel who crashes