Up Heavy Full

 

(For Faye)

 

I dreamed of you last night

as you were once

as a child

big rain drop tears

pudge and cheek

my sweet girl

and up the hill we were walking

intrepid

and our faithful friend was there in his stubborn way

the golden contrarian

collared little wolf

we did reach the top

but it didn’t seem worth it then

as we stood on the precipice of the next hill

which was a mountain

jagged and rough

the incline our enemy always

but the sun beamed a fire love

and your face was aglow

as it is each day

when I leave you to walk through the door

into your world

the space that will never be mine again

except through your telling

of this breathing life that is up, heavy and full

 

 

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Terminal Grace

Someone once said they loved me

but I can’t be precise

about the identity

of so many

palms up, eyes pleading

Please believe

paper heart pinned to his sleeve

beseeching my acceptance

to fall for romantic illusion

their names and faces merge into a dirty smear

on my clean white sheet of needy gullibility

these givers of everlasting, soul consuming adoration

It may have been the fifth

or was it the sixth

that painted the indelible

cynical

smirk

in permanent painful

broken hearted marker

on my inside face

the personal one that can see through the sham

with terminal grace

 

 

 

Six

I haven’t thought of you intentionally

for years

The knowing why is relevant only to those present

I haven’t looked in your eyes that witnessed my pain

for years

The memory is owned by just us two

I haven’t talked to your corrupted soul

for years

The sound of your silent conscience is loud enough

I haven’t wished you dead and gone

for years

Because I’ve rendered your obscenity insignifant to my life

I’m no longer six

On Time

A well placed piercing of my heart

Beguiled me enough to let you go

I didn’t really want to slink away

While you slept yourself into oblivion

Don’t fall in love with your bed you told me

Fall in love with nothing I said

An empty soul collision

Brought on by high expectation

We never did enough truth calculus

To prepare for the division

The timing never was considered

As that monster clocked chimed the hour of our demise