Publicly anonymous
casting letters and phrases
serving my purpose
purposely serving an ideal
idealizing an idea of life being better
to replace a god who never showed up
left me standing there bleeding
cut by the sharp and deadly jumping jack fact
that prayers go nowhere
because there is no thing to hear them
so now I talk to you neurotically, a monotone of I wishes
as you probably sit body-less in a dark moral corner
tuning your fork
forking over the tunes
thinking of that time
in 1995
when you said
very ironically
sober as a judge on jury duty
“why fucking bother?”
*For DJM*
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Gee Val, doesn’t sound like you at all. Why NOT bother, my friend. Expose all the rotten crap so that people see it for what it is!
Actually, this was said to me Denise, by my late husband Dave. It was on the eve of my leaving him. He simply wanted to die and I was in the way, hence his:”Why fucking bother?” As in why stay, I’m going to kill myself anyway, which of course, he did. 😦
Aaah, Val, it is terrible to feel overwhelmed by circumstances and to have absolutely no control… I am SO sorry – for both of you! Like trying to swim against a very strong tide, useless to fight it… one of the worst feelings in the world.
It was terrible Denise but in the end, Dave’s end was his decision. I respected that. He had schizophrenia and it was inevitable. Some things in life just are and we have to live and die with them as such. HUGS and thank you for your compassion, you have a good heart.