I Tried, I Really Did Try…

but right in the middle of a paragraph I could no longer contain myself. I had to say a few words because when someone as outrageous and screwed up as Charlie Sheen shares your birthday it is almost criminal to remain silent. Ah yes, silence, more golden than the tin cups Charlie claims to Midas touch for a certain gentleman he no longer adores.

Yes it’s true. Charlie and I share a birthday. I know, it’s hard to conceive that Mr. Sheen even has a birthday but to share it with me is beyond bizarre. We are so opposed that we could be from different planets which then cast a shadow of serious doubt on the whole business of astrology.  But I digress, what I really wanted to say is this: in honor of Charlie’s recent brass band and parade melt down I’m posting a special video message for Carlos with a suggestion attached:  Charlie honey, please give up crack, booze and cigarettes.  Instead of getting completely clean ( which we know is nearly impossible at this point as the notion of being without a crutch on which to lean is traumatizing to you) just slide that addiction over to another, better and less deadly obsession for both your body and career. Of course I’m referring to that very free drug that people rarely use anymore, it’s called silence. Become the new Silence addict. Be quiet, don’t open your lips, not even to sigh. Say nothing, nada. Bathe in the deep waters of muteness. If so inclined, go all out and do a monk gig up in the Himalayas. Whatever you do, don’t let anyone take this new drug away, even if they have a radio show, microphone, or HBO idea. And, for the love of all things book related, do NOT ink a deal with any publisher. You are not a writer Charlie, I repeat, you are not a writer. However, if you are successful at not uttering a single word, you may be asked by some producer somewhere who has a forgiving heart, to pretend you’re a writer for movie or televison role. This is as close as you should ever get to the profession of story telling.

There ya go Charlie. Now just hush up will ya and let the real writers do their thing. Also, could you please refrain from expelling your ranting lunacy anywhere near a media outlet? It’s distracting me from my work.  😉

Charles Shakespeare Sheen

Enjoy the video Carlos, then get off the damn internet! Typing is considered talking too.


Author: valo

I am a poet, writer and activist with a special interest in human rights for children and women as well as the elimination of poverty worldwide. If you read this today, feed someone locally for me will you? Drop off a non perishable food item at the food bank nearest you and consider yourself hugged. Thank you!

14 thoughts on “I Tried, I Really Did Try…”

    1. Well, as it happens Lisa, our dear Charlie is going to save Haiti with his equally loony friend Sean Penn so all the wrongs will be righted by these two porn/drug/alcohol addicted gents. Nothing breeds publicity like publicity! It’s good to see you here again girl. I took a jaunt over to your blog last night and I was feeling a bit worried because I haven’t heard from you in so long.

      1. Yeah, between school, work, and my muse leaving town permanently, I’m not sure what direction I’m going yet, but I at least want to make sure I keep visiting everyone.
        I’d love to see Charlie save Haiti, though. I’m starting to think those poor Haitians might be better off if the US just left them alone at this rate.Especially since Charlie can’t even save himself…sigh.

      2. Charlie needs locking up I think. He is way out of order in every possible way and if they inflict his insanity on the Haitian people then the world is out of the hand basket and already in the flames of hell. I’m sorry about the loss of your muse but there is more than one muse in the sea of muses. 😉 Your life is such an open road at your age, enjoy it all, even if it feels jagged and without direction, it’s not. I hope you drop in more I’ve truly missed you Lisa and I admit I’ve been a bit worried but I didn’t email because I wasn’t sure you were still doing the blog people thing.

  1. a time bomb ticking ever so slowly…it’s almost…well it is painful to watch.
    but this post made me laugh…at least I have him to thank for that don’t I? 😛

    1. Well, he is an entertainer Ramiel so if we laugh, what can Mr. Sheen expect? I think your time bomb metaphor is a perfect way of describing his descent.

  2. Hilarious Val – you should be a stand-up comic, I’m telling ya! That video too – hahahaha. The drugs are obviously giving him delusions of grandeur (though it is possible he was like that before he started using) – cracking jokes about crack (as he did the other day on some show) would hardly be warming the heart of his therapist/s. It is fascinating to watch however – like a slow motion train wreck.

    1. He has most definitely fried his brain. Charlie is no longer the person he was when he started out in this life. In all seriousness, he has crossed the line from drug addiction to mental illness and no one is helping him any more than they are helping Lindsay Lohan. Apparently money doesn’t always buy the best and most appropriate medical care. He could quite conceivably go on like this for years, just look at Phil Specter as a classic example. So sad and so unfair on every level.

  3. Apparently he is holidaying with a troup of ‘adult’ movie stars!! Why do I imagine he was on the phone in gold lamé underpants? Is that just my sick kind of fantasy? Oh if I was as bonkers rich as him, I’d probably be terribly arrogant and patronising but, perhaps best not bite the hand that feeds you Charley, eh? I can’t believe he got away with locking the prostitute in the wardrobe and then called the police to have her arrested for stealing his drugs. I mean, could someone write a film about him and then get someone else to play him? haha… maybe, ummmm, how about Mel Gibson?

    1. LOL Kiersty, having Mel Gibson playing a younger version of himself! Charlie possesses two important items that assure his freedom no matter what antics he gets up to or laws he breaks: Money and information. That guy is wealthier than anyone should ever be and top of that he comes from a Hollywood dynasty so you have to know he’s got dirt on just about everyone in the industry. Unfortunately, that body of his is not going to be his friend much longer and even Mr. Sheen can’t avoid the consequences of drug abuse which is usually death. It’s such a waste of everything he’s been given in life.

    1. LOL Stafford yes silent arrogance is a type of oxymoron isn’t it? Personally, just between us blog denizens, I LOVE to talk. What is life without wearing someone out with your chatter? 😉

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