On Saturday I wrote a post about rejection letters and some middle reader fiction I was preparing to resubmit. I was rewriting a cover letter and preparing to address envelopes, but I felt defeated and packed it in for the night. All this past weekend and well into today, I played mental ping pong with myself: Should I send it or should I keep it?
I’ve toyed with the idea of self publishing more times than I would care to admit, and it’s always in relation to this story. It’s not that I feel it can’t be published or accepted by a publisher, because I do. The question for me is this: How long is this going to take? Time matters to me a great deal. I’m not twenty anymore and the days march by like the pillagers they are. I want my books to be read NOW. Not ten years from now, maybe, if I can manage to garner a publishing deal and if the economy recovers and if I’m alive and well and of sound mind to actually nurture it on it’s journey to the reader’s little hands. Sometimes waiting is not an option.
Today I learned that a lovely woman of my acquaintance passed away. Yep, it was cancer. She was only fifty two and her passing made me both incredibly sad and very grateful for my life and breath. I’ve been very mindful of my mortality lately. Everyday for the past month I’ve been trying not to think of that breast test I have on the 26th. I’ve been down this road before and I no longer flinch at the thought or suffer night sweats and panic. I’ve been lucky thus far. Dysplasia, lumpectomy, no big C diagnosis. It’s just that every damn year they find something on the mammogram and off I go for more poking and prodding. Because of this, I’m making a decision to take that lovely story I’ve written for children and self publish it, purchasing the ISBN and marketing it myself. It’s time to let these characters leave my nest and fly free to other homes with children who love to read and dream. Will it be a success? It already is. Will someone buy it? Yes. Will I make a million? Who knows? I don’t really care, because it’s not about that, it’s about the love for the words and it always will be.