THE NEANDERTHALS OF SPEECH

 

The English language is frequently altered to reflect the advent of technology and change.  I respect this, and it’scompletely understandable especially regarding the internet and the plethora of words which are now common place and fully incorporated into our verbal reality.  

However, there is something else going on with the language.  Within the span of a week I can  find more grammatical errors and tired (exhausted) phrases contained within the pages of nearly every newspaper I read and believe me, I read a great many.  The most disturbing factor is the undeniable truth exposed by many journalists.  No, it’s not that one hot story they’ve uncovered, but rather their lack of knowledge of the meaning of the words they are using.  Does anyone own a real honest to god dictionary anymore?   Spellchecker is not a dictionary!   A typo is acceptable, and we all make them from time to time,  but a blatant misuse of a word isn’t, when it concerns a professional writer.   How do schools churn out individuals who can’t spell, use an apostrophe appropriately or understand the meaning of EDIT?

One of the most perplexing aspects of this epidemic is the lack of editorial expertise regarding the material we pay to read.  Where are the editors and why haven’t they caught the errors?  

In addition to the above cited crimes and misdemeanors, the media is relying on deliberately constructed and constantly repeated phrases to deliver information.  Some of them are grammatically incorrect, while the obscurity of the meaning of others is slickly glossed over by the word mechanics employed by the originator.    Gotta love those speech writers.  Watching a news anchor read the nightly report is a lot like watching a dog vomit his kibble and eat it again and again and again.  

Below are a few of my  personal favourites, culled from assorted politicians, news anchors and of course our illustrious press from many english speaking countries.  

Proactive:  Look, it’s a zit destroyer, not an assertive move.  Ask Jessica Simpson, she sells it.

Speaking to the issue.  Now I don’t know about you, but if someone begins talking ‘to’ something that isn’t alive it may mean they need to see a doctor.

On a go forward basis.   This gem peppers the speech of illiterate politicians when they are  lying like a dog on a rug.  

Steep learning curve.   This example of pretentious crap is not only old, it has taken up residence in the bone yard.  Please, for the love of god, stop using it!

Having said that.  Well, having said that,  I must admit I’m guilty of writing and saying this fake academic verbal garbage on at least three occasions.  There may have been more occasions, but I’m going into denial now as I feel I”ve been infected with some sort of subliminal language virus.  *hangs head in shame*

We’re on the same page:  I hate to be disagreeable with a cleary agreeable phrase, but honestly doesn’t it sound damn cheesy and too familiar?   I’ll keep my page to myself and you keep your page to yourself if you don’t mind.  

General Consensus:   There is nothing I can say that could possibly add to the already redundant nature of this foible that is still  being used by people who should know better.

Prioritize:  Please do, and make sure you prioritize not using prioritize anymore

Common sense approach:   Overused by people who have no common sense ie; statisticians and eonomists.  We’ve caught on to their stupidity.  

The elephant in the room:  That elephant sure does get around and not only that, it has the ability to grow or shrink depending on the size of the room.  I wonder if it has ‘issues’ from being ignored.  

Reaching across the aisle:  uh huh.  We know it’s a lie and about as friendly as an air kiss.   It’s the bastard child of the next nugget. 

Embracing change:  Know what?   Change will embrace you and I’ve never met anyone who welcomed it let alone hug it to bits. 

Gearing up:   Ah, truck lingo, takes me back to the seventies when we had us a convoy.   

Ducks in a row:   Every time I hear it I think of  that duck pond game at the travelling fair.  I just can’t take anything said afterward seriously, unless of course it comes with the giant stuffed panda I’ve coveted my entire damn life.

Okay,  I’m  finished and let me tell you, I feel cleansed.  This could go on forever but I’ll put us both out of our misery and get all my ducks in a row to gear up for reaching across that aisle to embrace the change that speaks to the issue of the elephant in the room that a general consensus has prioritized.  Having said that I’ll assume we’re on the same page proactively.

Please feel free to add your own precious contributions, because I know you have some.

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Author: valo

I am a poet, writer and activist with a special interest in human rights for children and women as well as the elimination of poverty worldwide. If you read this today, feed someone locally for me will you? Drop off a non perishable food item at the food bank nearest you and consider yourself hugged. Thank you!

2 thoughts on “THE NEANDERTHALS OF SPEECH”

  1. Hahaha. If only people could hear themselves. Tell me, was she chewing gum and sporting some as yet unknown hair colour? If so, she is moonlighting at the convenience store up the road from me. 😉

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